16 September, 2010

Email-o-riffic!

This is a true story.  Only my name has been changed to Barbara to protect my innocence.  Ahem.  This bloke blew ten smackers to send me this drivel.  Incredible.

From:       Mark
To:             Me
Time:        22:18 AEST
Subject:    whipcrack

HI,there, girl, You don't mess about do you,straight to the cyanoacrylate/anaerobic point with your profile,if i have to explain anything about that then,well ,doesn't matter or make much sense anyway,f'ing super glue,from what i hear.what i will do is comment on your're/your/ youse profile, it's good,i like it,girls who go for long walks in the rain are usually not walking but escaping from jail,and Poppy's are more likely to be on there mind,good to see your not' special' [ie spastic] horoscopes are for'special' individuals.i like science   mags,like penthouse and playboy,they are more directed to pictures rather than science stuff though.i love open fires[set the next door neighbor's shed ablaze last month],fire brigade came,bastard deserved it.he was bbq ing fish,and then i broke out my 2400 watt bosch hammer drill and gouged out his stupid eye balls. hey im just mucking around a bit here ,allthough some of it's true..possibly why  not e-mail me to find out.. Mark
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From:       Me
To:             Mark
Time:        22:33 AEST
Subject:    Prose


Hello Mark,

It took me a while to work out precisely what the fuck you were saying.  Here's what'd be great: capital letters and punctuation used appropriately, spelling checked a wee bit, not a lot, but just a wee bit.  Spaces after commas.  Good lord, I beg you, put a space after the comma.  Oh, paragraphs.  That'd be delightful.

Having said that, references to semi-porn mags probably isn't a good way to get in the good books of a sciency feminist type like me.  So let's just leave it there.
Cheers,

Barbara
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And that, my darlings, is where the conversation ends.  I just didn't have the energy to decipher his bollocks.

See what I'm dealing with here?  Torture!  Oh, do you want to see a picture?  Of course you do! Knock yourself out.  Notice the gormless look, the open mouth.  The general air of cluelessness.  Sigh.


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