06 September, 2010

Girls' Night Out.

So last weekend I went out with a top notch chick mate of mine, Stella. Stella is fabulous for many reasons, not least of which is that she is a genuine, one hundred percent, bona fide Rock Chick. Complete with electic guitar and band. Awesome doesn't quite cover it.


Anyway, we thought we'd head out for a Big Night, and big it was. There were many glorious adventures - the man with the loaf of bread ("oh lord, I think I'm in loaf!" "I bet he's got a ton of dough" - we cracked ourselves up), the guy that was 6'11" and the funky bass player in the giant rabbit suit. Tequila shooters and a rockin' band (Vaudeville Smash is their name - recommended). But the highlight of my evening was "Sequins".

Sequins was an example of what not to do on a night out with your girlfriends. Tall, willowy, young and blonde, she wore a sweet little shift dress covered in...you got it.  She was also staggeringly drunk.  Oh the joy!

So just before the band started, she decided to chat up the lead singer.  She stood, swaying gently, playing with her skirt and trying to effect a sexy girl pose while maintaining her balance on tottering heels.  Turning to return to her couch, she lost the battle and toppled head first into the microphone stand, and an amplifier in a tangle of arms and legs on the floor.

Hilarious.

Her pals all ran to help her to her feet, and assisted her back to the couch, where she lay for perhaps a half hour.  Then she thought she'd have a dance.  The suspense was marvellous!  Watching her lurch about like Frankenstein's monster with her tiny black purse dangling from her shoulder, looking like a scrotum growing from her armpit.  Wondering if at any moment she'd pitch head first into one of the precariously perched dancers on the arms of the couch, or make it safely back onto her arse. 

Eventually, she settled again, and at last sight was texting on her phone oblivious to the fact that her dress had ridden up around her waist, and we all had a glorious view of the gusset of her tights.  Never a good look at the best of times.  Probably blew her chances with the lead singer too.  I wish I'd got a look at what she was texting.  Some hapless ex-boyfriend getting an earful no doubt.

Anyway, it was a valuable lesson in how to be a lady.  I wonder if she spent half the next day pondering why she didn't pick up.

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