20 April, 2011

Vibe II - The Douchening

Before we begin, my darling ones, it has come to my attention that Dead Fish Float has made it around my office. Which is, well, awkward to say the very least.  So, er, hi fellas! Are you enjoying trawling through my personal life? Giving you a vicarious thrill is it?  I'm sure.  If you are in my workplace reading this, you should probably stop now.  You might read something you don't like.

Back to topic.  So the fucktard’s been at it again.  I’m at a loss as to know what to do short of pulling out a gun and shooting him in the head.  Except instead of a bullet, a little flag would come out that said “Dickwad!”.

Anyway, there’s been a couple more incidents.  It's hard to believe, that in 2011, a girl is still dealing with this kind of douchery. One could be forgiven for thinking one's been transported back to 1972 and landed in Carry On Matron.

The other week, I was in a meeting (of all men).  And talking about a website, I said “we can always tweak it later” and made a gesture of turning two dials (I gesticulate wildly.  I’m afraid my hands have a life of their own.   I once gave a friend a bloody nose trying to explain what the white bean bruschetta was like in Florence, and have knocked more than one glass of red into my lap). His Lordship piped up with “you know, when you do that DFF, I can’t think about websites.”  Gentlemen, please restrain the guffaw.

Today’s quote, which rang out across the office, and made my blood boil like a hot pot of milk was this:  “We all know that sexual harassment only exists in the mind of the harassee.”  To which a manager agreed*, much to my horror.

Now what this idiot is saying is code for this: “There’s no such thing as sexual harassment, just people  who are too sensitive or imagining it all.”  To which I say “Bollocks!” with gusto.  Anyway, I shot of a rather fruity email to the aforementioned Manager explaining that those sorts of comments just aren't cool.

Hard to believe, but after this had all happened, we were talking about a design.  The conversation went like this: 

DFF: Let’s do it, and see if it looks like a clusterfuck when it’s on the site.
Dipshit: what exactly is a clusterfuck? (As if he didn't know.  Pssh.)
DFF:  It’s a multitude of fuckups.
Dipshit: Oh, so it’s not a, you know, group…engagement.
DFF:  No it fucking isn’t.  (gives withering glance)

"Hey baby, lighten up.  I'm kidding!"
Yeah.  Right.

The problem with all this stuff is that it's just innuendo.  So if I come out and say "shut your filthy cake-hole you fucktard" (or more probably "That's really inappropriate, and you'd do well to keep those sorts of comments to yourself") he's going to pull the usual MO - which is to say "lighten up, god, I'm only joking", like it's somehow my fault that his entendre-laden comments are offensive.  I know his type.  I've come across them on more than one occasion, and believe you me, the buck stops right here. 

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Let's get serious for a minute.  Ladies, this sort of thing happens all the time, in spite of training from zealous HR staff and constant reminders in the media.  I want to encourage you all to stand up for yourselves.  You don't have to put up with boorish behaviour, nor should you.  It's not always the easy thing to do, but it is the right thing to do.  Let's look after each other, ey?  In fact, after a chat with a girlfriend at work today, I went through his emails to me, and some of them are very inappropriate indeed.  So I'm in the quandry of whether I should raise them or not.  I'm erring on the yes side of the debate. Not for my sake, but for all those girls in the office who could benefit. Your thoughts would be appreciated in the comments section below.  Have you ever experienced this sort of thing?

* I later had a little chat with the manager, and I’m pleased to report that he was mortified, and that I had, actually, misunderstood his agreement.  He was trying to impress upon this fellow that people do take things the wrong way and he should shut his fucking dirty mouth.  Although, he didn’t include the adjectives at the end of that last sentence.  Anyway, the long and short of it is that Fucktard’s getting a talking to about his appalling attitude to women.  So that’s a good outcome, I suppose.

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