11 May, 2011

The Cult Leader

Okay, so he wasn't actually a cult leader, but as sure as Charlie Manson is a mad bastard, he could have been.

To be honest, I don’t even know where to start, except to say it was utterly bizarre from start to inevitable finish. But I’ll take a big swig of shiraz, and have a crack my lovelings.

It began with an email on the site I’m on. This fellow was pleasant looking, and seemed quite literate, which was nice. He wanted to know how serious I was about my atheism, and what I meant by it.

This is when it started to go off the rails. These things always start out as just a little odd, and before you know it, ten kinds of crazy are crashing down all around you.

So he’s got this “philosophy” which he vehemently believes. In his words, it is this. "Based on my experience, it's my current understanding that we're like little radio beacons, sending and receiving energy. So, if I have a thought about you, it connects to you." In addition, "everybody has it, some people are more naturally open, but everyone can train themselves to be more aware." Sounds alarming like the appalling Celestine Prophesy to me (which is, by the way, is the worst written book of all time). I started getting a bit edgy. Especially when he said "It all makes sense - and, without wanting to sound too up myself - has the definite possibility of radically improving your life - but it takes time to get through it all."  Clock's ticking dickwad.

"Look into my eyes, not around my eyes, but into my eyes."
Good grief, just hand me the fucking kool-aid already.
One night, we engaged in a bit of IM.  That's when he dropped this clanger into my lap:

“I know that you and I will have great sex, because after I emailed you last night, I had an erection that lasted two hours.”

Well excuse the shit out of me, but that's just a little presumptious, don't you think?  I responded with this:

"Easy tiger!  See this from my end. A guy tells me he's looked at my pictures, spent an hour writing me an email, then gets a boner. I mean really." 

A string of exposition followed - including an explanation of why he flirts, how he flirts, and what it means; as well as a comment that I'm clearly jaded, and he feels like he's "wading through the prior sins of every other bozo on the internet".  Me?  Jaded?  Surely not!

Oh, but it gets better, because he also sent me a list of questions, ranging from "Do you like hugs and affection?" to "How often do you masturbate?" I beg your pardon?  How often do I what?

Needless to say I've shut off his vibe.  As far as I'm concerned, he can take his energy beacons elsewhere, and fuck off while he's at it.  Douche.

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